It’s your first day of college. A new and ambiguous atmosphere. You don’t know anyone, because unlike everyone else you had neither bothered to search for acquaintances nor tried to make new contacts with today’s power of social networking. You pick a random bench and sit there quietly hoping to see your potential best friend. Well, life is not a bed of roses and your expectations are shattered when two friends come sit next to you and ignore your existence. Out of courtesy they ask you for your name along with a few other details which hardly even matter to them. Unfortunately that’s the end of it. Now it’s not your fault you’re shy or people from your class somehow already know each other.
Days pass and you manage to make a few friends. But it isn’t like how it was supposed to be. You don’t have the fun you originally intended to and your new friends aren’t the type you can open up to. Basically, you’re screwed. Sooner or later one group in your class becomes the “popular” one and everyone wants to be a part of it, including you. When you’re not comfortable with your own friends or yourself, as a matter of fact, you start losing your inner self. Inevitably, your confidence leaves you and your mind is taken over by your consciousness. You become conscious of your every move. You start fearing failure. “What if they think I’m weird?”, “My other friends are having a much better time than me!” “Do these people hate me?” These are the type of questions which cross your mind several times everyday. Slowly you start losing yourself. You start doing what others are doing because you are now scared of being yourself. You are scared of being proven wrong. You don’t define circumstances anymore, you let circumstances define you. You think everyone is better than you and you are just useless. When at the Point Where Everything Is Muddled Up ,You lose all the confidence you had gained in so many years. This is when the self criticizing begins.
No man was ever great by imitation
Originality is independence, not rebellion; it is sincerity, not antagonism.
Someone might think I’m going a little overboard with this description, but trust me, I am not.Losing your uniqueness is the worst punishment you can give yourself. You do get lost in materialistic things once in a while but it’s important to come out of it. The number of friends one has, has got nothing to do with happiness. We all need to understand that because otherwise we’re all just going to be like described above. Having close relations is a key to your health and happiness. It doesn’t matter how they are socially or in the eyes of someone else as far as you can trust them. Each friend of yours has something to teach. They bring with them life experiences and skills.
I believe analogies are a way in which the universe tries to tell us that there is some consistency in all the randomness going on around us. They are a reassurance that everything is not as unpredictable as it seems, that there is some order in all this chaos that is life. I have always been fascinated to study the intentions of people since I was a child and used to associate each perspective with a different person.
When I came to college, I lived in a narrow perspective. Everything and everyone was either good or bad i.e. black or white. This limited the sphere of people I interacted with and made me miserable. A single bad incident was enough to put that person or group of people on the ‘bad’ list.
As I evolved from within, The little faults in people’s behavior, or in people themselves that I had immediately mapped to the ‘bad’ side, now merged with one of the infinite shades of grey. As a result, I could tolerate people and their behavior, much more than I did earlier. Tolerate, not accept. Tolerate, not enjoy. Tolerate, not learn. I was not sad as I had been before, but I wasn’t very happy either. Like before, I was constantly apportioning blame and assigning shades of grey to different people. Though I was capable of tolerating people’s idiosyncrasies and bad behavior in general, I was not happy from within.
You bring a little bit of yourself into every character you play. We’re multifaceted creatures.
The line between good and evil is permeable and almost anyone can be induced to cross it when pressured by situational forces.
Now that my hypothesis on the system had been refuted by my own experiences, I started asking myself a few questions. Why did I need to map people to any system of Good Or Bad? Why did I need to perform this dimensionality reduction on any human being? This is when it struck me that life is indeed a Multifaceted. Collapsing it into a one or another system eliminates so many attributes that essentially define a person. It makes you judgmental and narrows your perspective on people in general. I learned to enjoy all the different Sides of people represent. I learned that not everyone can be Good or Bad. I learned that there are infinite more Sides than the ones we see. I learned that the most unrelated two Sides somehow fit so well together. But most importantly, I learned that all are beautiful separately, in groups and even more so, together. Life has been much more colorful since.
I’m not only the one who feels this way. There are many people out there who are misunderstood and even underestimated by others because of certain personality traits. Paradoxically, these individuals are usually much more talented, intelligent and deep than those who reject them. Still, being uninterested in popular things along with being too reserved and introspective may make you appear a sort of freak to the mediocore minds.It’s all because human beings tend to be cautious and judgemental towards those who live, think and behave differently. So if you don’t share the interests and beliefs of the majority, you will probably face misunderstanding and rejection at some point in your life.
Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living
People inspire you, or they drain you – pick them wisely
Some may judge you for being too quiet, unfriendly or aloof; others may believe that you are a weirdo because you are passionate about things they can not understand. It’s not uncommon when even your close ones, such as your parents or your partner, seem to misinterpret your lifestyle and underestimate your passions. No need to say that this can be much more painful than the lack of understanding from people you are not so close to.
Seeking to connect With Right People and Following my Passion, What Others Think
Knocking something down is an easy task for anyone, but creating something is not nearly as simple. Those who criticize and deny may seem smarter and certainly more dramatic, denying everything is a symptom of immature reason, not intelligence.
When reason is immature it finds expression in the form of denying. Criticism and denial always tend to look more intelligent than acceptance and creating something. Always, the opposition sounds more intelligent because they only criticize, they are not doing anything. Those who are creating do not look intelligent because when you are creating something, you will make many mistakes – some things go right, some things go wrong. But one who just criticizes suddenly sounds so intelligent. This is how many people in the world are going on unfortunately. Very few of them are really creating anything. Most of them just criticize everything. They get into this mode of trying to be one up on everyone else.
The question is fine. If you criticize someone, you must have the intention of correcting them. But to blatantly criticize and throw darts at everything is not the way forward. This has become a serious problem everywhere in the world. Criticism always sounds more intelligent. Demolishing something always seems more powerful than constructing something. If I nurture something and make it grow, there is nothing dramatic about it. But if I come and knock something down in front of ten people, that is quite dramatic. That is why knocking down is always dramatized in movies. Without knocking somebody down, there is no movie! There is something dramatic and impactful about it.
Criticism is a way of knocking someone down. When you take a negative stand, it somehow seems to appear more intelligent than the positive stand. That is immature reasoning because it takes a lot of intelligence to keep your own opinions aside and just create what needs to be created. When your reasoning is immature, you can deny everything. When your reasoning matures, you learn to accept everything because you understand the process of life. You are not just going by logic. You are going by the reasoning of life. You have more life sense in you, not just logical sense.
Everything that a human being does is happening from the information that he or she has gathered. Information does not mean you read a book or a newspaper. The five senses constantly gather information through what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. This continues to happen even when you are fast asleep. Experiments have been done where a person was fast asleep, and ten sentences were spoken to him in a language that he did not even understand. In spite of that, much later, they could hypnotize him and he would speak those ten sentences again. He was not conscious but all of it was recorded as good as on a tape-recorder.
Intuition is seeing with the soul
I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am ― Albert Einstein
If you go intellectually, for every little thing that you do there are ten steps. Instead of going through these ten steps from one to ten, if you jump, that is what is intuition. But intuition is not a different dimension of perception, it is just a different dimension of computing. You are computing it faster, but still, it is the same information. If from a “dumb” phone to a smartphone and from a smartphone to an iPad, we did not discover anything new. We are just learning to use it better. It is the same thing with your brain when you are intuitive. But that is not another dimension of the perception. your brain becomes more intuitive, you can use what you know better.
The gut is not the most intelligent part of your body. It’s full of shit. It’s a fact. It’s not the most intelligent part of your body. This feeling from your gut has come because when you’re faced with a certain level of indecisiveness, fear will come. When fear comes, it begins to function in your gut because fear and bowel movement is very connected. when indecisiveness and a little bit of trepidation or fear enter you, there will be movement in your belly. Don’t think it’s an intelligent movement.
Fear means you perceive danger. When that comes, you become alert. When danger is there, a whole lot of people experience lot more alertness than they ever know in their whole life. Did you ever crash your car or motorcycle or at least fall off a bicycle? So if you’re just about to crash something, or you’re just about to fall off the roof, those few moments when you thought you’re going to fall, if you fell maybe you wouldn’t live, but when you thought you’re going to fall, those few moments you will see they will live up in your memory like this – always. After thirty years you still remember that one incident because it’s so bright because you were so alert in that moment. So danger brings alertness or your perception of danger brings alertness. Because of that alertness, you may see little better than what you would have seen otherwise. So that is how this gut thing has come. But belgut is not the most intelligent part of your body. It’s better to use your brain.
Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever
It is good to rub and polish our brain against that of others
So when you use your brain, there is a certain level of intelligence, which tries to work through a situation by your own intelligence and of course there is information from others. One should be able to weigh these two. “In every situation, I’ll do my own thing” will be foolish. “In every situation, I will do what somebody else taught me” is also foolish. There is no perfect balance between the two. It depends on the nature of activity we are doing and also the level of intelligence that you have and the level of information that you have. How much of information that you have is reliable or is your intelligence more reliable than the information that you have is… there is no perfect judgment of this. It’s different for each individual and it’s different for each situation.
Love is one aspect of life. We have given so much importance to it simply because for a long time, in most people emotion has been the strongest part. Even today, though people consider themselves intellectual, still emotion is the strongest part of most of them – not their intellect, their body, or their energy. So making that pleasant is very important. Otherwise, it will find unpleasant expressions. If you are feeling very pleasant, suddenly you become like a flower. When somebody is in love, if you look at their faces, suddenly they look like a flower because they are feeling so pleasant within themselves. Whoever you are in love with, they may not even be aware of it – it does not matter. You are in love, that’s all that matters. It is your emotion. It is the way you are.
“True love is boundless like the ocean and, swelling within one, spreads itself out and, crossing all boundaries and frontiers, envelops the whole world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
Love Never Asks,It Always Gives – Mahatma Gandhi
Love is not something that you do. Love is something that you are. Either you can use somebody as a support to make yourself loving or you can simply become loving. After all, it is not somebody else’s quality, it is your quality. You are using the other person as a key to open this up. But you can also open it up from inside without the help of the other person. Then it is definitely more enduring because when you open it with the other person’s help – nobody on this planet is 100% reliable.
If you are trying to extract joy, love, and pleasantness out of somebody, this is going to be disastrous for both the people. It doesn’t mean better to live alone. It is the way you are should be determined by you. If this is so and you are here to share your love with people, if you are feeling wonderful and you want to share this with somebody, then it will be very beautiful.
There is something called “love”, and there is something called “attachment”. What people call “love” is just a way of binding themselves to somebody, getting identified with somebody, but this is not loving — this is an attachment. We always mistake attachment for love, but attachment has nothing to do with love. In fact, HATE has something to do with love. Look at whom you hate. Do you hate the person who is just walking by on the street? No… you loved someone and one day the coin fell the other way and suddenly became hate.
Be Committed,not attached.
The Root of Suffering is Attachment – The Buddha
So, if the coin falls one way, it is love; if it turns around and falls the other way, it becomes hate. Love and hate have something to do with each other, but love and attachment have nothing to do with each other. If we use an analogy, love is like a flower. Once a flower enters your life, it is a lot of trouble because it needs to be cared for, it needs to be nurtured, and it needs constant attention. If you hold a flower, you must be very conscious about how you move your hands. If you have flowers in your house, you have to look after them 10 times a day. They are a lot of trouble, but they are life. Attachment is like a plastic flower. Suppose you have plastic flowers in your home, if you do not look after them for months, there is no problem. They are guaranteed for years. You can even make plastic flowers more beautiful than real flowers, you can spray them with fragrances, you can use them in many different ways, and above all, there is a guarantee they will last and there will be no life.
So many other things that you can do are also like this. It is not coming only out of you; it is coming because of everyone’s contribution to you. Invariably, the comparison becomes a necessity because if there is no comparison, you might be doing something silly in your life and you would think you are doing great. You thought you were doing fantastic. Then someone came by and they were doing things in such a way that you felt like an utter idiot. This comparison is needed. Otherwise, everyone who is doing idiotic things will think he is a king by himself.
Comparison is a very foolish attitude, because each person is unique and incomparable. Once this understanding settles in you, jealousy disappears
Your story is unique and so so different and not worthy of comparison
Comparison is the thief of joy.
This comparison is perfectly okay, but this is not about you. This is only about what you can do. This is just about your actions. In the activity, all of us are differently capable. If we do not have benchmarks, we cannot improve our activity. Not everyone is driven by the passion to do what they are doing, where they will anyway do their best. They need some benchmarks. There is nothing wrong with this. Otherwise, every day you will start from scratch and reinvent the wheel.
Only if you have a problem in knowing that someone is doing better than you, then this comparison is a problem. You should not have a problem that someone is doing better than you. I am always seeking someone who can do things better than me because then my life will become easy. I don’t want to live with dumb people who cannot do things as well as me. If they can do things better than me, my life gets easier, better, and more beautiful. But if you are a horrible tyrant, you do not want anyone to do better than you. This is a silly way to exist. This foolishness has come to you because you are always trying to measure the person, “Am I bigger than him? Am I smaller than him?” because your whole effort is somehow to sit on top of the heap.
There is no such thing as failure. Failure is an idea because success is also a stupid idea.
Every idea thought, emotion or value that you have is picked up from somewhere and it rules you from within. This idea of success is not even your idea. It is somebody else’s idea of what success is. Your religion, your society, and your culture have trained you to believe that this is it. Don’t become a slave to somebody’s idea; that is the first and foremost success.
Success and failure are not in the volumes of money flowing into your life. Success and failure are not dependent upon the recognition that you find in the world. You are successful in life if you know how to walk with joy even through hell.
For one who is looking at the simple events of this life itself as the goal of life, for him, there is failure and success. For one who is seeing this life as a stepping stone for a larger possibility, there is no failure. Whether you have a good deal or a bad deal, whatever the situation is, it’s very useful.